Monday, April 2, 2007

PotterCast and the Mystic Kettle of Knackledirk

Hmhmhmhmhm... I heard PC 78, and I couldn't resist. I've been working on it for a while, but now I can finally post it. Get ready for this...

I'm writing a PotterCast fan fiction.

I know: Awesome. It's called PotterCast and the Mystic Kettle of Knackledirk, and basically includes every inside joke, outtake, and John moment that has ever been available to PotterCast listeners' ears. I can't take credit for the first part, that was an outtake from #78.

Hope you enjoy it. Each Monday, I'll post a new update... So, here's the first one. (Yes, it does say Chapter 4--It's not a mistake).

Chapter Four: The Carnival

Sue, John and Melissa took off for the carnival in Indianapolis. They were looking for funnel cakes because John had a hankering for funnel cakes. Elephant ears just would not do. John walked dazedly around the carnival, looking for the funnel cake stand, but all he could find were corn dogs.

Meanwhile, Sue and Melissa were up on the big ferris wheel throwing things down at John as he searched. They were throwing popcorn, bricks, and other assorted objects. This made John very sad pandas indeed.

When they got off the ferris wheel, they went to find John. They discovered him behind the ticket booth, playing a game of Chipotle Monopoly with a man in an elephant suit. Sue and Melissa joined in the game, but John beat them by a longshot. The two girls sauntered off behind John as he did a victory lap around the carnival.

Sue had brought her skateboard because she had heard there were some very good grinds at this particular carnival. Later, while John munched on a corn dog and Melissa put Leay stickers on the backs of passers-by, Sue amused herself by grinding the rails of the roller coaster all the time yelling "HUFFLEPUFF ROCKS MY SOCKS!" She was fined several hundred dollars.

All in all, it was a very productive day.

As the trio were leaving the carnival, Melissa spotted a pink vendor's tent that sold specialty tea kettles. As everyone knows, Melissa had a very large stolen tea kettle collection so this was quite a treat.

"Guys, we have to steal a kettle from there!" shouted Melissa, as she slapped her final Leaky sticker onto Sue's back. "I'll bet they're the finest kettles this side of Borneo!"

"Again? I thought twice was enough for today," sighed John. "Okay, fine. I'll get the pantyhose..." He proceeded to dig through his fanny pack for the makeshift face masks they had been using.

The interior of the tent was very humid, and pictures of frowning Asian bears were embroidered on the walls. A spindly wooden table in the center was covered in bottles of some kind of red liquid, which were being mixed by an elderly man with a long silver beard and a pair of half-moon spectacles.

"Good afternoon, ladies and gent!" said the man. "What can I get for you today?"

John replied, "I'll have a Grande double choc--"

"Albus! How many times must I tell you? We're not making cocktails, here!" interrupted a short, balding old man who had just burst into the room. The bearded man looked alarmed and grabbed his bottles while dashing from the tent. "I apologize about him," said the bald man to Melissa, John and Sue. "Been in and out of here since Saturday... I keep telling him, there's no way to make a superblood, no matter how hard he tries! Anyhow, are you here to see some kettles?"

Melissa surged forward, pushing John and Sue put of the way. "YES! Do you have any Maudsley Originals?"

"In fact, I do, love. But what you're looking for aren't old Maudsleys--No, they went out of style ages ago! What you really need is one of these beautiful works of art here..." He gestured to a shelf with five shining teapots resting on it. One was a shade of violent red, while another was as black as midnight. One was Hufflepuff yellow, with a badger emblazoned on it ("Squee!" cried Sue), one was stark-white, like snow, and one was a plastic kettle with a tag reading "Target" attached to its handle.

"Wow... They really are beautiful!" said Melissa in awe. "How much for the plastic one on the end?"

The man grinned a glowering smile, his eyes boring into Melissa's own. "Oh, I can't let that one go too cheap..." He cackled, and suddenly his smile faded. "Five ninety-five. Would you like a bag for that?" The man passed her the kettle.

Melissa's eyes widened. "Oh my gosh, thank you so much!" she squeed, and handed the money to him. Then she turned to Sue and John so they could leave.

"Oh, just one more thing, m'dear..." said the old man. "Please be careful with this kettle--Some say it still has... "residual magic", perhaps, from when it used to belong the ancient people of Knackledirk... Just be wary. Always remember that."

Melissa thought he was simply rambling and left the tent, with John and Sue close behind.


Not my best work, I must admit. But it's supposed to be that way--lame and cheesy. Look for Chapter 2: Dobby is FREE! coming next Monday!

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